The Ultimate Guide To Surviving Holiday Weight Gain
The holidays are upon us, bringing with them horrible renditions of children singing Christmas carols that are hundreds of years old and have since lost their meanings.
I don’t remember the last time I roasted chestnuts upon a Yule log, took a sleigh to Grandma’s house, or went A-wassailing. And the last time I “decked the hall”; I wasn’t invited back for 18 months.
Not only do we have the singing and merriment of the holidays, but also our family meals, parties, and the obligatory 5 weeks of food comas between Thanksgiving and New Years.
This is enough to derail even the most focused and nutritionally conscious individual, due to the fact that self control has been scientifically proven to dip between the 3rd and 4th glass of Uncle Richard’s spiked Egg Nog.
So before you go and throw out your dreams of a six pack during your spring break trip to the beaches of Florida in favor of ‘decembulk’ and visions of sweatpants dancing through your head, try these 10 super easy tips to keep yourself svelte and classy under the mistletoe this year.
1. Drink!
Have a few big glasses of water before attending a gathering where massive quantities of food will be present. This decreases the amount of hunger you’ll feel, and some of the cravings that hit when presented with 127 different finger foods.
2. Eat!
Eat a protein rich food before a party or event. This causes you to stay satiated, and enables you to make hard choices, like the choice between cheesecake or ice-cream and cheesecake AND ice-cream.
3. Eat Everything (in moderation)
Try the 7 kinds of bean dip, that’s fine, but make sure each portion is small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. This goes a long way, and is especially helpful in limiting the amount of carrot and beet Jell-O you have to eat after mistaking it for real food.
4. Order of Operations.
Think VPC – Very Polite Cats!
Start with the Veggies, and then move to the Protein, then to the Carbs: breads, puddings, and sweets.
Ideally, filling up on meats and veggies would limit carb intake, and limiting carb intake would ideally keep you from falling asleep on Great Aunt Martha’s actual Civil War blanket, which would ideally keep you from spending 300 dollars getting flees removed over Memorial Day Weekend, while your friends are out on your houseboat.
5. Choose Your Own Adventure.
For a chiseled physique, eating big and drinking hard don’t mix.
If you want to stay lean this year, you have to choose between secretly crushing fistfuls of pumpkin spice cookies and locking yourself in the bathroom with three bottles of Carlo Rossi, a la Uncle Randy, Christmas 2011.
Or neither. Neither is also an option.
6. No Baggage
We all know that moms and grandmas are the best and love to set you up with leftovers for the rest of the year, but if you don’t have it, you can’t eat it.
Leave the cakes, take the turkey.
7. Fish Delish.
Take more fish oil by capsule or by oil
By bumping Omega-3 consumption, you can help keep your body from becoming inflamed from processed foods, and keep your Omega 3/6/9 ratios in check. This results in increased fat burning.
8. Dentist’s Favorite.
Brush your teeth after a meal. Brushing the teeth is a sign of finality, and will keep you from snacking more.
Plus the irresistible minty freshness will make you a hit with the opposite gender in a way that crumbs in your beard and a mouf filled with cornbread never could
9. Banana Split.
Just because it’s only legal to serve food in Ohio that comes in sizes “platter”, “barn door”, and “Hagrid”, doesn’t mean that you’re stuck playing by their rules.
Avoid holiday weight gain by enlisting one person to split food with you, or you know…take half a portion
10. Pre Burn. (N8’s Favorite Tip)
Exercise on the day of the party or food themed holiday. Get an intense leg workout and H.I.I.T. session in.
If you’re going to eat a lot, you might as well use the food to build muscle. Take charge of your life! You’re the boss, you call the shots!
Or let me call the shots. Here’s a great PRE-FEAST WORKOUT that anyone can do!
“Roast Duck”
A1. Goblet Squat x 15 no rest
A2. Overhead hold with the same weight x 30 seconds
Repeat x 4
Rest 60 seconds after hold.
B1. Front loaded Barbell Split Squat x 10 ea
B2. Romanian Deadlift x 10
B3. Burpee + Pullup x 3
Repeat x 3
No rest between moves, rest 60 seconds when finished with B3
C1. Leg Press x 25 reps
C2. Lunge to Treadmill (if less than 20 lunges, use weight)
C3. Sprint 25 seconds at incline of 8-10 and speed of 7-11.
Repeat x 3-5
No rest between moves, rest 60 seconds when finished with sprint.
Challenge yourself and do as many sets as necessary!
D1 Duck Walk x 25 feet forwards and 25 feet backwards
Repeat x3
Get into a low squat position and ‘walk’ 25 feet, then without turning around ‘walk’ 25 feet backwards. Do these as many times as you can before you feel your legs roasting nicely.
I think you should rename it the Giblet Squat!
You’re so right Nance!