Are you following all of the fitness gurus on YouTube, subscribing to 10 different keto blogs, and tracking with the latest Instagram diet fad handed down from Gwenyth Paltrow herself, but you’re still not losing weight?
There’s a reason for that. Well, seven reasons, actually.
7 Reasons You’re Not Losing Weight: Spilling the (Detox) Tea
- You are not eating enough weight loss gummies.
Really. To make up for this egregious lack, at dinner every night, make sure you’re consuming a fistful of protein, a cup of vegetable, AND 2 cups of weight loss gummies. (That should do the trick.)
- Detox tea.
You know the detox tea is working when it’s “shoulder day” and the skinny Instagram influencers contorts her body, cranes her neck, and subtly bites her lip. It’s probably not the chain-smoking or the Vodka-sodas-only-diet or the fact that she’s 25.
- Waist Trainer.
The more skinny wraps you put on, the better. What’s your excuse?
- Mercury Retrograde.
Have you adjusted your calorie intake to align with levels of mercury retrograde in the atmosphere?
If not, it’s on you. Get it together.
7 Reasons You’re Not Losing Weight: But Have You Tried These?
If you’re not losing weight or you’re losing but gaining it right back in a vicious cycle, make sure you tune into this week’s episode of the Million Dollar Body podcast, especially to find out about the last three VERY EFFECTIVE methods of weight loss Kyle and I talk about.
In all seriousness, I don’t support any of the above methods! But I’ve heard a lot of crazy things over the years that people think will work for them, and then they’re completely stumped when these ridiculous methods don’t work. Losing weight and keeping it off is actually much simpler than the Internet or Instagram influencers make it seem.
And thankfully, we talk about that, too, on the podcast—exactly what you need to lose weight and keep it off in the long run (for real!) Check it out. In the meantime, turn off YouTube and go for a run. (Or better yet, go do a few hill sprints.)