Work Out Like You Mean It


I work at a gym, which means that 100% of the time when I look around at people working out, I become enveloped in a deep sadness because everyone is bad at everything. The only thing that allows me to keep my mind on my clients is staying heavily dosed on Raspberry Ketones and using a manila envelope to give myself paper cuts in between my fingers.


Most of the time people are doing exercises not just incorrectly, but as if they were looking for the most efficient way to rupture a tendon or to poop their spines out.
That’s probably 80% of the population. The other 25% are people who come into the gym and do the exact same routine over and over again.
I guess spending 90 minutes doing chest flies at the gym is better than watching the “Murder She Wrote” marathon on Lifetime, but it’s definitely not the most efficient way to spend your time if you’re interested in getting stronger, leaner, or more good looking.

Instead, spend 30 minutes doing some combination of these sweet sweet routines, and spend 60 minutes researching the best Wide Receiver pickup on the New England Patriots. Trick Question! They’re all mostly dead.

KCal Killer:

Versa Climber x 150 ft (If you don’t have access, do .25 miles on a treadmill at 8 incline with speed between 6 -10)
25 Bench Crunches. (Sit on the edge of a bench, hold behind you, and bring your knees in while crunching together with your torso)
15 TRX Squat-Row-Presses Each Side ( hold a dumbbell at shoulder height in 1 hand, hold the TRX in the other, squat down, and as you stand back up, push the Dumbbell overhead)
1 Minute Plank on Swiss Ball. (or ground)

Shoulders 5 Ways:

Men grab 10lb-15lb DB’s
Women grab 5lb-7.5lb

Easy mode = 10 reps each
Machine Status = 15 reps each
Beast = 20+

Side Raises
Rear Delt Raises (bent over at waist raising to ‘T’ position)
Front raises (thumbs pointing at ceiling)
Cuban Rotation and Press (Bring your elbows up to shoulder height, with arms hanging down, and palms facing behind you. With elbows in same position, rotate your hands so that now your elbows are at right angles, palms facing in front of you. Press the DB overhead)
Neutral Grip Overhead Press (palms facing each other all the way up and down.)


Alligator Walks x 50 ft (holding DB’s get into a pushup position . put your toes on something that slide (towel/furniture sliders/valslides) and ‘walk’ your hands down 20-50 ft. Feet stay together, keep core tight)
Landmine Rotations x 10 each (if no access, simply put a barbell in a corner and rotate with your arms straight. A band can be used if no alternative)
Toes to bar x 10 (holding a pullup bar, bring your toes to the bar… Reverse Crunches can be used in a pinch)
Single Arm Sit up to press x 10 each (make sure your legs are secured, and hold a DB or KB in one hand. Keep it pressed towards the ceiling at all time as you go through each rep)


If you’re interested in efficiency, sweet muscles, and looking HAWT, get it together and rock out some of these advanced circuits!


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