I just invented a new exercise. I call it swimming. Try it at home in your water pool. It’s done by jumping off your diving board, and using your arms and legs to propel yourself across the fluid-like mass that you keep in your backyard concrete ditch.
Take a timeout from your water guns and your underwater submarine tag games and try to burn some calories before you partake in your diece y siete de mayo binge party.
You probably think: “Ha! swimming? That’s a stupid name for an exercise, plus I look like the guys from the movie 300, so I’m good at doing everything.”
But you’re wrong.
Try this, see how long it takes for your lungs to catch on fire.
Swim 4 laps in your pool. (If you don’t have one, use your neighbor’s.)
Repeat. See how many rounds you can complete in 30 minutes.
This is not only a good way to work on your cardio, but it’s great for that base summer tan. (I’m just looking out for you from an aesthetic point of view.)
How do you stack up?
1-3 rounds. You need to try harder. [3rd grade school play]
4-5 rounds. Average. [Bear Grylls sans both arms and 1 lung]
6-7 rounds. Getting there. [You’re the Bon Jovi of fitness]
8-10 rounds. Passionate [Vin Diesel in every movie]
11-13 rounds. Panther-like. [Stereotypical eastern European]
14+ rounds. Legendary [Like the baby of Michael Phelps and an angel]