Drink This if you Hate Yourself!


Taco Bell, in in all of its infinite wisdom has taken a break from putting sand in their meat products to bring you a special new drink, for the morning when you wake up and just think ” fuck it. “

It’s their version of a mimosa, except they remove the reason that people actually drink mimosas, and add in 1 part self loathing, and 2 parts huffing gasoline.

They call it Mountain Dew A.M. and it’s regular mountain dew, plus a little bit of orange juice. If this is part of a healthy breakfast, than for lunch I’m going to be rubbing salt into my eyes, and dinner will be slamming my genitals in the oven door repeatedly.

In honor of this auspicious drink, I have constructed a new food pyramid to embrace the addition of different foods into our daily diets.

The Food Pyramid of Tomorrow…..Today!

Of course, if you use Diet Mountain Dew, orange juice and a few packets of “fire” sauce, you can call that a Mexican colon cleanse.



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